— Wong Kar-Wai (via leaud)
Ever since I’ve been doing this reviewing schtick, this is the first time I’ve ever said, “I could be watching something else.” I was just too pissed off at Movie 43.
Grudge Match is about a pair of aging boxing rivals are coaxed out of retirement to fight one final bout — 30 years after their last match.
Stallone and De Niro, they’re responsible for cinema’s greatest boxing films of all time (Rocky and Raging Bull respectively), so it would make a little sense to have a crossover of some kind. Except for two major things: Jake LaMotta was an actual fighter, and, more importantly, the movie doesn’t work. At all. If this were released back in the 80’s, then I would’ve been okay with it. But no, we had to wait at least 30 years for this shit.
The script suffers from cliches, cheap laughs, and some actual shitty lines. I’m not talking about really bad one-liners, I mean counting a rape joke, and a couple of transphobic/homophobic (honestly, I couldn’t tell) lines. Yikes. It even manages to make both Stallone and De Niro unlikable though De Niro edges out because character development. Also, pathetic love triangle with Kim Basinger. Not even Kevin Hart and/or Alan Arkin could save it.
This movie is also way too long. We get the occasional stock footage from Rocky and Raging Bull, some dialogue with either Basinger or Jon Bernthal, and Arkin or Hart makes some cracks. And the somewhat anticlimactic fight at the end lasts only 10 friggin’ minutes, including a montage!
Literally the only actual funny moment is when Kevin Hart tries to get Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield (the guy whose ear Mike Tyson bit a chunk out of) to do their own rematch in the endcredits. And it’s such a chore to get through there. I’m not sure if I would keep this in my collection.